It's A Sharp World, Everyone Gets Cut
by tinks1389
Summary: Mark can handle the weight of the world. He has a shiny friend that will help him through anything, right? This story follows Mark through his own addiction and how he attempts to get help, eventually. This is a Mark cutter fic and will be eventual MarkRo
1. Chapter 1

Well, here's my first Rent story. It's Mark/Roger eventually. R&R please. Oh and it's in Marks POV.

Warning: cutting, depression, and slash.

Disclaimer: 4 words: Thank You Jonathan Larsen.

Chapter 1: My sharp and shiny object is immortal.

I am woken up by the sound of Roger quietly strumming on his guitar. He's been miserable ever since Mimi left to clean herself up. She calls once a week and by the sound of it she's been doing good. I'm happy for her and even though he won't admit it, Roger is too. I get up out of m bed, if you could call it that. It's really just two mattresses on the floor. I ponder this as I change into a blue sweatshirt and a pair of gray sweatpants. I ignore the scars and bright red lines that cover my arms and legs.

Roger stops playing as I walk out into the living area. "Hey." He says quietly. I wave a reply and head over t the refrigerator to get some juice. I got my paycheck yesterday and I paid rent, bought Roger's AZT, and got some groceries. As much as I despise Buzzline I cannot deny that the pay is good. I am brought out of my musings by a warm hand on my shoulder. I jump, startled, and almost drop the juice.

"Whoa there Mark." Roger said taking his hand off my shoulder.

"Sorry, you scared me." I put the juice down on the table. He gives me a concerned look.

"Mark, I'm worried about you," he begins. "Ever since Angel died you've gotten worse. To everyone else you appear calm and collected, but you forget that I have known you longer than most. I can see you crumbling under the pressure. I want to help you Mark, please let me help."

I was stunned. What the fuck? Roger Davis was worried about me? Does he know? Oh my god, he can't know. All I have to do is reassure him that I'm okay and he'll leave it alone. Just like all the other times. "I'm fine Rog, thanks though." That should do it.

"No you're not! Why can't you just admit that you can't do it all alone?" All right that's it.

"The hell I can't! I don't need help! What the fuck do you know anyway?" I yell angrily at him. Forgetting the juice, I storm into my room and slam the door.

A few minutes pass and I hear the faint melody of Muesetta's Waltz. I wipe away at the tears threatening to fall. God I can't do anything right. I'm a failure. Why the hell if Roger friends with the likes of me? I can't go a day without hurting him. I lie back down and try to get my thoughts to stop, but that doesn't work. I turn my head and my eye catches something shiny on my nightstand thing. I smile a little.

It's like a beacon calling to me. 'Use me Mark. I'll be your friend. I can't die. I'll never leave you.' That's what it's saying to me. It's true too, that little object has always been there for me. Before I know it, I'm reaching over and picking up the sharp toy. Sitting up in bed, I pull my pant leg up and stare at the scars and cuts that remind me of how good it feels. It's not like anyone is going to stop me. Hell, I've been doing this since I was 15, they can't stop me. Without thinking twice, I bring the razor down to a clear spot just above my ankle and I drag it across my flesh. The sting feels so good it's ecstasy. It feels like I haven't done this in forever, but in all reality it was just last night. This is better than any drug I've ever done, that's for sure. My blood bubbles up and begins to run down my pale skin. I pick up an already bloody towel and I press it against the shallow cut to help stop the bleeding.

The phone rings. We screen our calls, so Roger doesn't answer it. "Speak!" I cringe at that annoying answering machine message. We were drunk when we came up with that. "Roger, Mark, its Collins man, pick up." I guess Roger picked up the phone because it gets quiet real fast. I can only hear Roger's muffled voice and then the click of the phone being hung up.

A knock sounds at my door. "Mark, that was Collins. He wants us to meet him at the Life Café. You coming?" I lean towards the not going part, but after a few seconds I give in. It'll be good to see Thomas again.

"Ok, just let me get ready." I sigh and pull down my pant leg. When I stand up it stings like a bitch. Well, tonight shall be fun.

The End! (Of the first chapter!)

R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. I have to tell all my readers that I am a cutter and all of Mark's thoughts, I have like many others, thought myself. So, you're getting authentic cutter information here. Glad to know I'm not alone on this. Thanks again for the reviews.

Chapter 2: A Cutter's Lullaby

I sigh and glance at my watch for the umpteenth time that day. We've been sitting here reminiscing with Collins for hours. Luckily it's just Collins, Roger, and myself. It feels good to not have Maureen or Joanne around for once. It's a little unnerving to have their perfect relationship everywhere I go when I can't even have the one I love. (A/N: 3 guess who.) Collins pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Mark!" I jerk my head upwards to look at him. "Damn boy, I've been saying your name for the past 3 minutes. You okay?"

I fake a smile. "Yeah, I was just space cadetting there for a minute." I say sitting up in my chair properly. In the process I bang my leg into the table. Thus, reopening the shallow cut I made earlier this morning. I hissed and cursed under my breath. Roger speaks up and asks me if I'm fine. I am tempted to tell him to define the word fine. Instead I offer him a half assed lie. "Yeah I just stubbed my toe on the table leg here. Hey guys, I'm getting a little tired. I think I'm gonna head on back home." This should be an easy get away.

"Here let me go with you." Roger offers standing up.

"No!" I said too eagerly. "I mean…I kinda wanna be alone. You know to think and stuff." Roger seems to understand because he sat back down. "I'll see you later guys." I race out the door and sigh in relief as a gust of wind hits my face. I am reminded of the reason I left by a sharp pain in my right leg. "Fuck!" I hiss and start on my way home.

It takes me about half an hour to get back to the loft. I close the door and take off my jacket. By the time I get to the bathroom the bleeding subsides. I clean up the wound and head into my room. Making sure my door is locked I pull out my poetry book. That's another thing people don't know about me. I'm a poet, and a good one, if I may say so myself. When I'm done writing a poem, I read it aloud to myself.

_Life can't hurt more than it already does._

_So he cuts himself._

_He prays that the physical pain,_

_Will be superior to the emotional._

_When he's in that sate,_

_His mind isn't very reasonable._

_He isn't thinking properly._

_No, he never thinks about how it will affect people._

_Like his friends and family._

_Even if he did, he wouldn't be able to stop._

_A cutter without a sharp object,_

_Is like a junkie without a needle._

_One is nothing without the other._

_The man does not notice._

_Notice how he is killing himself slowly._

_Actually I think he does see._

_He just doesn't care._

_Denial is just a river in Egypt,_

_And he's sinking deep._

_Acceptance is the first step,_

_Btu he's way beyond help._

_Rehab didn't quite work for him,_

_So he faked his way out._

_They thought he was better._

_They thought he stopped._

_In all reality,_

_He just got better at hiding._

I finish reading it and try to decide on a title. I don't think it needs one though. Man, I can't believe I forgot about rehab. I remember when my parents sent me there. They found me cutting in the bathroom one night. So they thought I needed help. It was surprisingly easy to fake being better. Even easier to get my parents to believe I stopped. I'm just that good. I close my notebook and put it in its hiding place underneath my bottom mattress. I sit back against my wall and all of a sudden I'm woozy. Whoa! I think I lost a little too much blood for one day. Before I know it, I'm asleep.

-A few hours later-

I am woken up by the sound of muffled voices. One voice speaks up and all I can make out is, "Worried" and "Marky". That must be the drama queen, Maureen, herself. Then I catch, "I know me too." That sounds like Collins. I let them talk in hushed tones before I decide to make an entrance. Making sure none of my marks can be seen, I walk out into the lion's den. Maureen attacks me with hugs.

"Mo! Get off. Damn, I just woke up." She complies and goes to sit on Joanne's lap. I smile a sad smile at those two. They have the perfect relationship and what am I stuck with? "_A razor that'll never die on you_." The back off my mind tells me. I shake my head to rid myself of that not so innocent thought.

Collins comes over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Mark, you're our friend, our family. What I'm trying to say is that we're all extremely worried about you. You've been working a lot. You are getting to where you can wear size anorexic and you look like shit." Size anorexic? I'm not that skinny. Am I? I laugh a little.

"Guys, I'm fine. I'm just tired and my appetite has been…" Roger cuts me off.

"Non existent?" I openly glare at him.

"No, I just haven't had much of one lately. Thanks for the concern, but I'm fine." Fucked Up Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. Just F.I.N.E! They seem to take my excuses, but I'm not sure how long that'll last. I begin to make my way back to my room, but before I reach the door my balance wavers a little. The last thing I hear is Roger's concerned voice screaming my name.

So there's that chapter. R&R

That poem that Mark "wrote" was mine. I wrote it. What do you guys think?


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So here's the next chapter. Thanks for the reviews. R&R please.

Chapter 3: I'm not an artist. I'm a fucking work of art!

I wake up to a dimly lit room. The bed is comfortable enough, but there is this annoying beeping noise to my left. A nurse walks in and messes with a machine of some kind. That's the moment I realize where I am. "Umm…hi." I whisper, my voice hoarse. The nurse squeaks and turns to me.

"Oh Mr. Cohen you scared me. You're awake…you're awake! I need to get the doctor. Oh lord!" She hurries out of the room like a chicken with its head cut off. I laugh a little at her expense. At that moment an older Asian man wearing a white coat walks in.

"Hi, Mark. I'm Dr. Hahn. Do you know where you are?" I bite back a sarcastic reply and just nod my head. "Ok, do you know why you're here?" That's a hard one. Why am I here? I shake my head no. "Well it seems as though you have passed out from exhaustion and malnourishment." Now I remember, Maureen was interrogating me and apparently I passed out. I glance down and noticed what I'm wearing. A short sleeved gown. FUCK! I must've said that out loud because my doctor starts to laugh a little. "We are bringing in a therapist to talk to you tomorrow. Don't worry Mark, I've seen many cases like yours." He pulls up his sleeve a little to reveal scars of his own. I'm stunned to say the least so I ask a simple question.

"When can I go home?" I wonder out loud.

"We're not sure that's such a good idea at the moment. How about we talk about it in the morning, you have friends here who have been pacing non stop. I haven't told them anything other than your malnourished. The rest is up to you." I nod a thanks. "Would you like me to send them in, or do you want me to let them wait some more." I grin some that second one doesn't sound half that bad. But, I'm not that mean.

"Send them in please." Dr. Hahn nods and walks out, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Thankfully not a minute later, everyone walks in. By everyone I mean Maureen, Joanne, Collins, Roger, and Mimi. Wait Mimi? Maureen is the first one to my bed. Big surprise there.

"Marky! You lied to us! You aren't fine, just look at you!"

"Maureen, leave the boy alone." Collins jumps to my defense. Maureen starts an argument with him and they go at it right here in my hospital room.

"Guys!" I try to yell, but my voice isn't working properly."

Joanne senses this and yells at them to stop. I smile a grateful smile her way and she returns it. Hey, all of this has happened and I can still fake a smile. Damn, how good am I?

"There's more." I say slowly regaining my voice. There is no possible way that I can tell them so I just turn my arms upwards. So my forearms are facing the ceiling. I look down and everyone else follows my gaze. Gasps of shock echo throughout the room. It's a weird sound. I look up to gauge everyone's reactions. Maureen has tears shimmering in her eyes, as does Joanne. Collins is just staring at my arms with a solemn expression on his face. Mimi is openly glaring at me. My eyes focus on Roger waiting for some hint of emotion. There it is, one he knows very well. Anger. Roger storms out of my room.

"Look at what you've done to him," Mimi sneers in my direction. "Some best friend you are." She runs after Roger. Wow, I almost wish she were still doing drugs. She was a lot easier to handle. Is that bad? I close my eyes in frustration. What about what all Roger has done to me. The drugs, withdrawal, making me fall in love with him. Wait, what am I thinking? He didn't force me, it just happened. I open my eyes again and something comes to mind. How are we going to pay for all of this? I ask nobody in particular and Collins just tells me not to worry.

Joanne is the next one to speak up. "Why?" Ah, the hardest question to answer. So I just launch into the story of how I just started doing it in high school and how my parents found out. I gave them a detailed description of my stay at rehab and how easy it was to get them to believe I was done with it. By the end Collins was smiling.

"Damn boy, maybe you should quit making films and move to Hollywood to act." We all laugh at that. I'm glad they aren't judging me. "Seriously Mark, this isn't healthy." Ouch, spoke too soon. "You've got to stop."

I sigh, "Thomas telling a cutter to stop cutting is like telling a junkie to give up smack."

"Roger did it, Mimi did it." Fuck, bad analogy. In a sense Thomas is right this could destroy me. It probably already has taken its toll. And Roger was so pissed. I guess I could try and quit. That would make everyone happy, right?

"Okay Tom, I'll try. But I'm not making any promises." He smiles and so do Joanne and Maureen. The giddy nurse from earlier chooses that moment to make an entrance.

"Sorry, but visiting hours are over. Mr. Cohen needs his rest."

Collins pats my shoulder and proceeds to leave. Joanne hugs me and Maureen bends down to kiss me on my cheek. Collins ushers them out the door, "We'll stop by tomorrow." And with that he's gone.

The nurse begins to follow after him but I stop her. "Wait, there's a guy that was here earlier. Dirty blonde hair that is down to his shoulders…" She cuts me off.

"The cute one?" She asks with wide eyes.

"That cute one is Roger, if he shows up just let him in. He's my brother." I lie easily. She just nods and tells me to get some sleep while closing the door behind her. I close my eyes and begin to drift off. Great, I forgot to ask about Mimi. Hopefully Roger will turn up. I'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.

THE END! (Of the chapter.)

R&R!


	4. Chapter 4

Alrighty here's the next chapter. Thanks for sticking with the story and thanks for the reviews. Here we go.

Chapter 4: I hurt myself so you can't.

The room is dark, but I can see Roger clearly. I move towards him, but he steps back. I take another step forward, he steps back. I start to chase after him, that's when it happens. Roger's clear figure slowly fades away.

I wake up in a cold sweat. It was just a dream. Looking around the room I notice how empty it is. Well, so much for hoping. He's probably out with Mimi. My head turns to the door when it opens. An elderly lady walks over to my machine and resets it. "Well Mr. Cohen, I'm Elsie and I shall be your nurse today." Elsie, where have I heard that name? "Your boyfriend must really care about you."

"Boyfriend?" I inquire in a raspy voice.

"Why that young man, Roger, he was here all night by your bedside holding your hand everything." Roger Davis? Here last night? This woman must be delusional.

"Are you sure his name was Roger?"

"Yes, oh your voice sounds horrible. Let me get you a glass of water." She walks into the bathroom, still talking. "I remember him telling me his name. He even tried to lie and say he was your brother. But I knew better. People come in here every day lying so they can be with their friends." She comes back in bearing a glass of water with a straw in it. "I think that whole immediate family only rule is ignorant. Friendship is thicker than…"

"…Blood." I finished for her. She smiles and hands me my drink. I sit up and take a sip. "I have to tell you, he's not my boyfriend. He is just my best friend." Although I wish he was more.

"But you wish he was more." My god is this woman reading my mind? "It's obvious that you two love each other." Wait, you two? Roger doesn't love me. He can't. Dr. Hahn walks in. "Tell him." Elsie says patting my leg. She scurries out.

"Good morning Mark. How are you feeling?"

"Eh, I'm alive." He laughs a little and takes a seat.

"That's good. Listen, the last thing you probably want is some shrink coming in here counseling you. So, I thought you might like to talk to the psychiatrist now instead of later." I nod and tell him that sounds like a good idea. "Ok, hold on." He gets up and walks out. A few seconds later he comes back with a short asian man in tow. Then he leaves, closing the door behind him.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Huang. How are you feeling?" I tell him I'm fine. "Fucked up Insecure Neurotic and Emotional?" I laugh, he's good. "I'm just going to start with a few questions about your childhood." Wow, he doesn't waste any time.

_An hour later. –_

Over the course of an hour I have told him about my early days, high school, how I met Benny, and my life now. "Wow, it's been an hour already. You're quite the talker Mark." I blush. "I must say it seems as though you have great support amongst your friends. Including Benny, even if he doesn't show it a lot. Well, my work here is done. It was nice talking to you. If you ever need anything just call." He hands me his card. "Bye Mark."

"Bye." He leaves just as Maureen and Collins walk in. Once I see Maureen I remember where I heard the name Elsie. "The cow!" I practically shout. They both give me a confused look. "The cow from your protest, her name was Elsie."

"Yeah, that's right. Marky what kind of medicine do they have you on?" I sigh and tell her about my nurse and how that's her name too. "Really? That's cool!" She says excitedly.

"So where's Joanne?" I ask.

"At work, but don't worry she'll be by soon."

"And Roger?" I inquire hesitantly.

Collins gives me a sympathetic look. "We're not sure. Sorry Mark." I look down at my sheets. Then something occurs to me.

"Why is Mimi back so soon?"

Collins and Maureen both take a seat on each side of my bed. "She came back to tell us that she's getting married next month to some guy named Clive." I giggle at that. Clive? Poor Roger. I hope he's okay. "And she is clean. Which is really good. We're all invited to the wedding." After a few minutes, Collins and I get into a heated discussion about Actual Reality. We don't even notice when Maureen leaves. I am in the middle of a sentence when I notice she's gone.

"Where's Maureen?" I ask confused.

"I don't know, she must've gotten bored and went to look around. Mark, last night I was cleaning around the loft."

"Getting rid of all the sharp objects?" He smiles and mutters something about how I'm too smart for my own good.

"Anyway I found something under your mattress…" He trails off. The only thing under my mattress was my poetry. FUCK.

"Did you read it?" I ask him, praying the answer is no.

"No don't worry I didn't." I sigh in relief. "But I want too. Who knows, maybe it'll help me understand you and this whole ordeal." I weigh my options Do I really want him reading my personal thoughts and poetry? What could it hurt? He's Collins, I trust him.

"Ok Thomas, you can read it. But you have to promise to not let anyone read it. No one, ok?"

"I promise. Thank you." Just then Maureen walks in with her hands behind her back. "Where have you been Mo?"

She just smiles. "I got bored so I went down to the gift shop and got Marky this." She pulls a stuffed cow from behind her back. She hands it to me. I gratefully take it and study the cow. "Well Pookie," I cringe at the nickname. "What are you going to name it?"

Hmm…what should I call this beauty? Oh I know! "I'll call her Esel."

"Esel?" Maureen asks.

"Yes, it's a mix between Angel and Elsie." Collins and Maureen laugh. My door bursts open and Joanne walks in. She kisses Maureen on the lips.

"Hey Mark, how are you?"

"I'm good Jo."

We sit around and talk about nonspecific things until visiting hours are over. Elsie walks in to remind them that their time is up. They say their goodbyes and leave me to sleep. Alone at last. I close my eyes and just think about everything. I'm not sure how long I've been lying here just thinking and not sleeping. It couldn't have been more than an hour. My door creaks open and a figure walks in.

"Mark?" Roger.

The END! (Of the chapter.)

R&R!


	5. Chapter 5

Okay here's an update for all of the readers. Sorry it took so long.

Chapter 5: I Less Than Three You. (If you get this you get a scarf shaped cookie.)

I keep my eyes closed in fear of him leaving. "Mark? Are you asleep?" He's in a chair by my bed now. "Mark you know me. You understand that I don't like to talk about my emotions or feelings. That's why it's good that you're asleep now. I don't get why you couldn't talk to me. I'm so mad at myself for not seeing how much you were hurting. I guess I was so caught up in everything that has been going on in my life that I didn't notice how much pain you were in. Mimi's getting married next month. I'm happy for her, I really am. I owe her a lot."

It takes all my strength to stay silent through all of this. "She made me realize something. She made me see what I've been denying for years." He takes my hand in his. "I look back on all of the bad and good things that have happened to me and you know what I see?" He continues when I don't answer. "I see you. You've been with me through you through everything. Actually, it's always been you." What's he saying? "Mark I love you. I've always loved you. And it took me something like this to see it." Roger loves me? Ok I'm dreaming. I fell asleep and now this is all a dream. Yep that's what's happening.

"I'm sorry I left so sudden the other day. You have to understand, I was so scared of losing you. It's not supposed to be that way. You're the survivor. I can't lose you Mark. You have to get help. If not for me, then for yourself." After he finishes I notice a wet spot on my sheets. Is he crying? Screw faking sleep.

"Roger?" He looks up at me. His eyes are red and moist. He stands up and places his hand on my cheek.

"How long have you been awake?" He asks.

"I never went to sleep." He pulls his hand away.

"You heard everything?"

"Everything." I echo.

He stands up, returning to his old self. "Roger don't. It's me, you don't have to act tough." His shoulders droop and he frowns. "You love me?" He looks at his feet and nods. "I-I…I love you too." Roger looks up hopeful.

"You do?"

I nod. "I'm so sorry for putting you through this. I'm going to try and stop. But, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to need help. I can't do this on my own." He sits on the edge of my bed and smiles. Oh my god! Roger Davis is smiling. Squee!

"I'll help with everything I can" He says and looks me in the eye. "You don't know how happy you have just made me."

"I bet I could guess." And with that I pull him down and crush my lips to his. His tongue glides over my bottom lip and I open my mouth allowing him entrance. Our tongues battle for a bit before he pulls away in need of air. I'm panting and let me say that was the best kiss I have ever had. I move up to kiss him again, but he stops me. I frown at him.

"You need your rest." I roll my eyes.

"Yes mother." I lie back and sigh. "Roger?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you lie with me?" I pout, no one can resist the pouting. He lies down next to me and pulls my body to his. After a few minutes of silence I hear him say my name. "Hmm…?"

"Why is there a cow in your bed?"

The end! (Of the chapter.)

Hope you guys liked it. You know you review! PEER PRESSURE!


	6. Chapter 6

Ok, next chapter is up. R&R!

This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has reviewed so far. mournfulangel: I wrote the poem about me, I just changed the she's to he's. Thanks for asking.

Chapter 6: Fade in start the scene.

I wake up with something pressed firmly against my side. At first I'm confused, but then I remember what happened the night before. Leave it to Roger to hog the bed. I look down at him and smile like a cheerleader on crack. He looks so beautiful when he sleeps. I like him when he's asleep. This way his guard is down. I hear someone clear their throat. I look up in the general direction of my door. "Elsie." She smiles and just gives me a look that says 'I told ya so.'

Elsie walks over to my machine and unhooks it. Then she takes out my IV. "The doctor should be in soon. I think he may let you go today." I sure hope so I miss my bed in the loft. I miss my camera. She finishes up and pats my head. As she is leaving she turns to me, "Nice cow."

I laugh a genuine laugh. I didn't have to fake it. Now that I could get used to.

When she leaves I nudge Roger awake. He opens one eye and closes it quickly, making me giggle. "Rog, you gotta wake up. My nurse thinks I might get to go home today. Come on wake up, sleepy front man."

He opens both eyes. "Sleepy front man?"

"Yeah, sleepy head is just so overrated."

He laughs, god I love that sound. Then he shoots up in the bed, which results in him hitting the ground. I am laughing so hard that tears are forming. Between giggles I inquire if he is ok. "You mean last night wasn't…" He pauses, "It was real?" He looks scared and hopeful.

"Nope, all real." I reassure him. At first he looks kind of shocked and I am afraid that he'll leave. Then his face changes and he breaks out into a wide silly grin. He hops back onto the bed and kisses me hard. Now I'm not one to complain, but my doctor should be here soon. "Roger stop." He pulls back with a hurt expression on his face. "My doctor will be here any minute. If you behave, you'll get a nice reward later when we're back at the loft."

"Promise?" God he sounds like a little kid. It's cute.

"Promise."

Roger gets off of my bed and plops down in the chair beside it. As he does this Dr. Hahn walks in. "Well Mark," he looks at my chart. "It looks like you're all healed up. I think you are good to go. I do suggest that you give Dr. Huang a call. He can be of some help." I nod and smile. He looks over at Roger, "May I have a moment alone with Mark please?"

"Yeah, I'll just go call Collins and tell him you're free." He gives me a peck on the cheek and leaves.

Dr. Hahn turns to me. "Mark you seem like a very strong, not to mention stubborn, person. I would really like you to see Dr. Huang on a regular basis. As strong and stubborn you are, you can't do this alone."

"I know."

"Will you call Dr. Huang?" Will I?

"Yes."

"Good. You'll find that he's a great person to talk to. And if you ever need anything, please, don't hesitate to call." He hands me his card and I take it gratefully. He stands up to leave. "I'll leave you to get dressed."

"Doc wait!" He raises an eyebrow. "Does it say on my charts who is paying for the bill?" He looks through the pages.

"Yes a Benjamin Coffin III." Benny! I should've known. "Bye Mark." With that, he's gone. I get up and grab the bad of clothes by the closet thing. As I'm changing Roger walks in. He just gapes as I pull my shirt over my head.

"Damn Marky. When did you get so hot?" I laugh and tell him that I am ready to go. "Everyone is waiting at the loft. Apparently Benny has some big news to tell us."

"Yeah well let's get out of here." Forever. We walk out of the hospital hand in hand. When we get outside I sigh in relief. God help me if I ever have to go back in that hospital again.

"Uh Mark?"

"Yeah"

"You forgot your cow."

FUCK!

END OF CHAPTER! HOPE Y'ALL LIKED IT!


	7. Author's Note: Important!

A/N: Guys I need your help. I have a major case of Writer's Block and I need some suggestions. Can you guys help me please? Whatever ideas you have just throw them at me.


	8. Chapter 7

Finally I have it! THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE SUGGESTIONS! Here's the next chapter. I think there will only be one more chapter left. What do you think? Well here it is, R&R.

Chapter 7: The world loves to watch us fall.

It takes us an hour to get to the loft. Once we get there 3 girls attack me. All of which are talking at the same time. "Guys, guys! One at a time, please." They shut up and I place Esel on the coffee table. Roger closes the loft door and sits down on the couch. I plop down beside him and yawn a bit. As I am seated Maureen starts inquiring about my health. She asks so many questions and I can't even get a word in.

"Mo!" Collins shouts. "Leave the boy alone for a minute, damn." I shoot him a grateful look. Maureen looks like a lost puppy. Great, now I feel guilty. I assure her that I am fine and she goes back to her old giddy self. Roger is the next to speak up.

"So I believe that Benny had some news for us?" I smile at Roger for the subject change. Benny smiles and tells us that he and Muffy Allison are getting a divorce. I'm pretty sure that my jaw drops and my eyes widen in shock. Everyone is giving him the same look.

"Huh?" Roger oh so eloquently says.

Benny laughs and leans against the table. "We're getting a divorce. I moved out of the apartment today and I am renting one a block away. Let's see, I quit my job and I got another at a small record company. I am sorry for how shitty I have been these past years. I was a real prick." We all nod in agreement.

"Umm…why a divorce?" I ask the question we all want to ask.

"Well there's something about her that doesn't…tickle my fancy." We all break into a fit of giggles over that. Note to self: Benny does not do a good British accent. When we are all recovered I ask him what doesn't tickle his fancy. Without the accent, mind you. "The fact that she doesn't have a penis." He bluntly states. Collins chokes on his Stoli, Maureen runs over to help him, Roger gasps, Mimi whoops and tells Joanne to pay up, Joanne hands her a $20, and I…well I do the only thing I can do. I start to laugh my ass off. Everyone turns to look at me and I stop immediately, blushing.

"Sorry," I mutter.

"So you're gay?" Maureen wonders aloud.

Benny nods and Collins pats him on the back saying, "Welcome to the club." I give Roger a look asking if we should tell them and he just nods.

"Hey Collins, can we be in the club?" I ask as Roger nuzzles my neck. Collins raises a brow and shrugs.

"Sure!"

Roger throws his hands in the air and yells, "Yay!" Joanne puts her hand out towards Mimi. Mimi gives her back the $20. That's when I notice the strange guy to the right of me. He has short dark brown hair and a tan. He's muscular and wearing a tight gray shirt. He's kind of hot. Curiosity takes over and I point towards the dude. "Okay, who the fuck is this?"

Mimi grabs his hand, "Mark this is Clive Anderson(1), Clive this is Mark Cohen." Clive holds his hand out and I grab it we shake hands and I tell him it's nice meeting him. He doesn't seem too bad. He better not hurt Mimi. Wow since when am I protective of the youngest bohemian? I shake my head.

We spend the next hour or so getting to know Clive. He's a dancer at the studio that Mimi works at. They seem in love and I am really happy that she has moved on from Roger. He's all mine! Collins is in the middle of telling Clive all about Actual Reality when Roger yawns. "Guys we should let these boys get some rest." Collins then pushes everyone towards the door. Maureen and Joanne each give me a kiss on the cheek and then leave. Mimi does the same, but apologizes for the other day in the hospital.

"It's okay Meems. It really was a pleasure meeting you Clive." He nods and they leave. Roger stands up and announces that he is going to take a shower. As the bathroom door clicks shut, Collins turns to me. He hands me my notebook and I take it gratefully.

"You're really a good writer. You should think about writing a book." And with that he's gone. I ponder his words and shake my head. A book? No I think I'll stick with my documentaries. I grab my notebook and Esel and head to my room to get ready for bed.

I sit down on my clean bed and look around my clean room. Leave it to Collins to clean the place spotless. I sit there for a few minutes before the urge to cut washes over me. It hits me like a wave and it's pulling me under slowly. No! I can't cut, I promised them I wouldn't. My arm begins to itch, like somehow it's telling me that it needs to be cut. Out of habit I start to scratch my arm. My hands begin to shake and I repeat the "I think I can" mantra in my head. I have to get out of this room. So I do, I practically run into Roger's room and fall onto his bed. I feel better now, the urge isn't so bad here.

A few minutes later Roger's door creaks open and he steps in dressed in his nightclothes. "Mark?" He says when he notices me. "You okay?" I shake my head as he lies down. "Well I'm here now. It'll be okay." He gets under the covers and wraps his arms around me. A moment later he sighs, "Remember when we used to this back in the day?"

"You mean Wednesday(2)?" I smirk.

"Shut up and sleep." He says mocking irritation.

I close my eyes and smile. Roger's here. It'll all be okay, for now.

The End (of chapter)

1: if you can tell me where I got his name from then I will dedicate the next chapter to you.

2: If you can tell me what comedian said that back in the day was a Wednesday then you get the whole story dedicated to you.

Sorry but I'm pimpin' out my quote site on xanga. 


	9. Chapter 9

Ok, you guys are going to hate/love me. This is the last chapter! I am done finally! I think it turned out, right. But, that's just me. Hope you guys enjoy this.

Chapter dedicated to:

playinghookie

LipstickonAMirror

Doc Angie

To Being An Us For Once

Siofra22-the whole "tickle my fancy" thing didn't hit me until your review. That was unintentional.

Story dedicated to:

GentilleRemus  
Cowbell

Yami no Seto

Doc Angie

Ragazzabella

If I missed anyone, sorry .

**Chapter 8: Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt.**

-Four Months Later-

'I can't believe everything that has happened in the last four months. I started cutting again about 2 months ago. No big deal there. No one has found out yet, and they won't find out. The bad thing is that I haven't written anything since. I have had a bad case of Writer's Block. It's horrible I hate it. Roger and I are still together. Joanne and Maureen adopted a little girl named Samantha. Even though she's only 7, she has become quite the boho girl. The most shocking thing that has come out of this is Collins and Benny. They announced that they were together the day after Clive & Mimi's wedding. Ah the wedding. Mimi looked so beautiful in her white dress.'

Tears finally roll down my face at the last thought. I haven't been able to cry until now. It's only been a couple of hours since we laid the youngest bohemian in the ground and I can't move. I've just been sitting here replaying everything over and over in my head. Roger left a while ago claiming that he needed time to think. Benny and Collins left for their apartment and Maureen and Joanne are at their house with Sam. So I'm left here trying to not cut. I don't feel that it's right to cut on the day of Mimi's funeral. It just wouldn't be fair to her. But God how I want to. I can't wait until tomorrow when I can finally drag the blade across my skin. To distract myself from my little friend, I begin to clean the loft.

As I am cleaning off the table, my arm begins to itch. I hate when it does this. It's reminding me that I need to cut. It's like my arm needs this as much as I do. I try to ignore it, but I can't. So I just start to scratch my arm. I scratch my arm so hard that the skin becomes a violent red and a hint of blood rises to the surface. The little bit of blood that is there is really inviting. It's calling to me and my god I want to answer. Maybe just one small cut. I mean I can't wait until tomorrow, no day but today. Isn't that what Mimi and Angel always said. It would be an insult to them if I wait, right?

I stand up and start pacing. I hope Roger returns soon, he can distract me. I wonder where he is. What if he got mugged or worse got high? I don't think I could live with the thought of Roger turning to drugs. This is Roger, I have nothing to worry about. He wouldn't do that to me. Would he? He might, I mean the girl he loved just died. It's April all over again. He probably is getting stoned. If that's what he wants to do then see if I care. Since he gets to go get high, I get to cut. Besides, it'll only be one cut. Yeah, one will be just enough.

I walk into the bathroom and pull my blade out of my back pocket. I look at the small object and I feel…complete. Even Roger doesn't make me feel this whole. The blade fits perfectly in my tight grip, like it was meant to be there. Deciding I have wasted enough time, I pull up my sleeve and bring the razor to my wrist. I make a shallow line and try not to moan at the pleasure it brings. "Mark?" I didn't hear the loft door open. "Mark?" I try to close the bathroom door before he sees anything. "What in the hell do you think you're doing?" Too late.

"Uh…" Wow, I can't think of anything to say.

"You said you would stop." Actually as I recall, I said I would try. But I won't mention that at the moment. Instead I apologize.

"I'm sorry. It's just that today so hard and I needed it. It was only one cut. I'll never do it again. It was just this once." I hope he believes me.

"Promise?" I smile for all the wrong reasons.

"Of course. I won't need it now, you're here." He pulls me into his arms. After a moment he pulls away and looks down at me.

"You hungry? I got groceries." I nod and he goes into the kitchen. I hear some rustling and then he asks me if I want turkey or ham on my sandwich.

"Turkey." I holler back at him. Carefully, I slip the blade into my back pocket. I put on a smile and head out into the kitchen area. Roger smiles at me and I smile back. He hands me my sandwich and announces that he's going to the bathroom. Probably going to get rid off all of the bad sharp objects. Poor silly Roger. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand the fact that he could dull all of the sharp things in the world and I would still find a way to cut.

And I couldn't feel any better. In fact, I think my Writer's Block has been cured. I grab a piece of paper and a pen and hastily write down the words that have come to me all of a sudden.

_I know it looks bad._

_The angry red lines that scatter my flesh  
must look horrible.  
But it's not, trust me!  
You think I'm not dealing with it.  
You analyze my thoughts and feelings inside and out.  
But what you don't see,  
Is that I am coping, the only way I know how._

THE END! (Of the…STORY!)

I was thinking of a sequel, but I don't know.

The poem/quote at the end was written today by me. I like it!

Well I really hope you guys enjoyed the story. I had fun writing it.

_ 3 Tinks_


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